Category: Uncategorized

Hi everyone,

Over the past few months, I’ve been absent from social media and also from the cycling peloton. I almost feel ready to return to the place I love the most, but first, I’d like to share something with you all. 

I received a lot of questions but deliberately didn’t give many answers. Many stories went around, most of them complete nonsense, so I want to share the truth and answer the question: “What’s going on?”

2024 was a successful year for me in terms of performance. I became stronger, I won races, I competed at a high level, and I crowned it all with a professional contract. Of course, when everything is going well, things often seem effortless—until you hit your limit.

After the World Championships in Zurich, I felt completely drained—physically and mentally. I was tired of everything: the media, the pressure—I just needed rest, a break, no bike, no focus for a while. I needed time for myself, but that time just didn’t came.

I couldn’t find rest and kept getting sick. My immune system was below 0, and I was sleeping more than I was awake. My body was exhausted, physically and mentally—everything was too much.

I started to spiral and left for Spain for a month to build towards 2025. Looking back, not the best decision. I couldn’t train properly, partly because of illness and partly because I wasn’t myself.

When I returned home, I was diagnosed with a recurrence of the respiratory infection I had two years ago—yet another mental blow. From that point on, I spiraled even further.

I started experiencing panic attacks more frequently. I lost my appetite. I stopped going outside. I was stuck in a vicious cycle. The holidays were hell—while others celebrated together, I spent hours crying, trying to find myself again between panic attacks. I became afraid—afraid of everything, but mostly afraid of myself.

I no longer had the energy to ride my bike. I lost the joy of cycling. Nothing made me happy anymore, so I was forced to take a break. “Forced” is perhaps an understatement—walking up the stairs at home already felt like a workout.

I kept sinking deeper. I didn’t just lose my appetite—I lost my will to live. Life didn’t seem to have meaning anymore. I felt useless and had disturbing thoughts. That’s when alarm bells started ringing, and together with those around me, I sought help.

I started taking medication and underwent intensive therapy to get back on track and especially to find the root cause. I had a difficult childhood marked by an anxiety disorder, but that had been under control for 7–8 years. What I experienced was a resurgence of that disorder, triggered by ignoring the warning signs and by unresolved trauma.

I spent hours working on my recovery, and it cost me many tears, but day by day, I began to feel better. I’ve learned a lot about myself—things I didn’t know and things I could still improve.

In April, I started riding my bike again—mainly to rediscover the joy of cycling and to no longer see it as an obligation. The first few rides were extremely tough. I would panic when I felt my heartbeat rise or when a car passed too close. But after a while, things began to feel familiar again, and I found joy in it once more.

It’s strange how people can change. Back in January, I couldn’t see a way out. But now, here I am— having fun on my bike and preparing myself for the next step in my process. Once I feel ready to start racing again, I’ll share that on my socials. 

This is my answer to the many questions I received. I know many people won’t understand—if you haven’t gone through it, you can’t imagine how difficult it was. I’m convinced I’m not the only one with a story like this, and I want to show that there are always people willing to help you.

It’s a scar, or maybe better said, a life lesson for me. From now on, I’ll try to enjoy the moments—both in and outside of cycling—a bit more.

Thank you to everyone around me—especially my parents, my family, my friends, and my team, Lotto Cycling Team—for all the support and the time you gave me to find myself again. I love you all!

If you need someone to talk to or if you’re having a hard time, know that you’re not alone!

See y’all on the road!

Robin